Damn, I don’t wanna start this post with a "DAMN", but it couldn’t be help. Damn is just the word I can think of right now, and damn everything that happened…

Give me a break, I seriously hate studies now when those exams just come one after another, plus those tiring assignments and freaking reports. Freaking course, it’s just killing me. I don’t mean that I can’t do that course, yes, I know I still can excel in it if I did put in efforts, but, how am I suppose to do that when the interest is not there? NOT even a little bit of interest I have in that course. For the mean time, I’m just dragging myself along to attend the course, which is so packed till I don’t even have that single second for other stuffs. It won’t matter if it’s the course that I like, that I have interest in. Hell, but that’s not it. It’s just two months…and I’m already regretting so much… still in a dilemma…

Is it really worth it? I mean… Sacrificing my interest for that freaking engineering course, which took all my free time away. I can’t continue my music because of it. No, I’m gonna fail both if I do. I have to give up going to japanese class, which I actually do not have time for it. Yea, there’s no point going to jap class if I’m not going to sit for the exam, which is really tough. Thinking back, if, I had chosen music in the first place, I might be complaining that doing music is a sh*t. But right now, music can be a much easier course, than engineering. How many people have a degree in music? Not much. Not in Malaysia. Why? Just because music isn’t worth studying, that you would be jobless in future? How about engineering, would it really promise you a better job? It could be just the same as music. Either you have a high paid job, or, jobless. I rather be performing in front of hundreds of people, or thousands. Imagine the applause that you will receive at the end of each performance. Won’t you feel proud for that?

Yes, I rather be standing in front of strangers, than sitting in an office. It’s not about the income I would get, but the pleasure that I find in doing it.

Right, even if I have got a degree in engineering now, I won’t be working as one.

I might ended up as a general officer.

If, I’m a music diploma or degree holder, or maybe a designer, I might not get the job I like.

I, might ended up as a general officer as well.

So, what’s the difference between those courses?

Dilemma, is always a dilemma, what’s my aim that I’ve forgotten?

Forget it. Here’s a more interesting story to tell.

My bag was stolen. Not a handbag, but a school bag. With books and papers inside, that bag was stolen. =.=

I went to Kenyalang with Jason and Amanda this afternoon, to bind the IT assignment. By the time we return to the car, the car window (the one at the back passenger seat) was smashed and all our bags were gone. =.= Freak.

My Fluffball…Drawn during engineering maths lecture…

Bag gone, my favourite purple bottle gone, my old nice scientific calculator gone, my lovely notepad is gone, timetable lost, important notes gone, my lovely pencil case (which is a present from fren) is gone, and with it there goes my favourite pens and pencil. Pens, and pencils… yeah…. my precious metal pencil is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN! F*CK!!!!!! (Fluffball is gone, too)

*sob*

Don’t tell me "the old ones never go, new one won’t come".

I know I won’t be able to see them again. So…

Dar dar~ Can I have new one? Perhaps, new bag?

"When you can’t get the things you want, you can’t just put the blame on others."

It was there, at the same place. The place where everything happened. The place, so full of memories - from sweet to bitter.

I stood there, watching everything. It was just for the same thing, around the same time. Everything, was just like a replay, a replay of what had happen years ago.

No, I can’t really call it the same this time. For I, was at a different perception this time. Looking at things from the different view, it was just so clear… I came to understand something which was in a mist before, and that’s when something else came in… Appreciations.

Right now, it is all different, and it is never going to be the same again. I have someone special, who, in return treat me as a special one. For all that I’ve done before, I realized I was too wrong, to be hurting someone who has always treat me more than himself…

Everything just flashed right before my eyes. Like a replay…
It was not just dramatic. It was way too much, too much for the word "terrible" or "worst" to hold the meaning. Perhaps, it would be more than "hell"…

That’s life…

and I was watching it, just right before my eyes.

If that could be the end of the story, things would be a lot more simple.

Somehow, for nothing that I have done, in other words, a more simple sentence, I have done nothing, and I was being accused without a reason. Or, I would rather call it a reason that has nothing to do with me.

For that, it just messed up my thoughts… a string of pain, pins and needles in the mind, more than in the heart.

Of course, an apology would be great, but that seems to be the absolute impossible thing to happen, such a kind of person, (just a simple analyse and you would know it) will never admit she’s wrong for what she had done or spoken, what’s more to say about an apology from her? I could be dreaming if that will ever happen, or maybe you could tell me my skills of analysing is degrading. Psychology is fun, and helpful in live, but it can be scary….yeah… imagine you’re talking to a psycologist (the fact when you never knw he/she is one) he/she is actually analysing you and seeing through you in minutes or… SECONDS! The next thing that will happen is most probably you’ll be psychoed! Mind-controlling? Brain-wash? Ahah~ I’ll love to do that..if I am able to. Hell yeah, the book is boring. Hypnotise is not an interesting topic to read, harder to understand and it would take up a lot of time to be mastered (or never).
Argh~! Strayed away from topic…let’s go back to where I was…defamation…apology… Rational. Yes, rational is the right word. I’m afraid, a girl at such age should learn to be rational. I won’t use the word "matured", as one could always learn something new and gain more experience no matter how old the person is. She might not be that matured, but she should be rational enough to differentiate what is right and what is wrong. She should be rational enough, to know what she is saying. By accusing others without any evidence, or accusing someone with a reason that is not matured enough (or a reason that shows that the one being accused is not wrong/related) can fall under the law "defamation". I hope that the matter will not turn into such a big fuss. Perhaps, I should just admit that she is insensible, hoping that she will learn what I meant in time.

In addition, I have nothing against her, but I won’t allow someone to do stupid stuffs infront of me, and of course, I won’t keep everything in heart if things are allowed to be forgotten. So, just let it be. Stop there, right now, before it gets worse. Be happy, and trust that you are lucky.

Think about it. Close your eyes, free you mind from hatred and think about it.

When things didn’t turn out to be the way you want it to be, you can’t put the blame on others.

It feels hurt…but I can’t do anything except accepting everything.

Tagged By Rich Valla

My Name: Doreen
Childhood Ambition: be a famous fashion designer
Soundtrack: Eyes on me by Faye Wong
Retreat: Uhm…?? 
Wildest Dream: To be a princess
Proudest Moment: Hm…the moment that has yet to come. XD
Biggest Challenge: Money
Alarm Clock: I use my phone’s alarm
Perfect Day: A day by the countryside with fresh wild flowers all around
Indulgence: Cool gadgets, fashions, pets
Last Purchase: My lunch
Favorite Movie: Lord of the Ring
Inspiration: People around me and the nature
My life is: miserable w/o my dar dar
My card is: atm card…and student ID card… XD~

I’m tagging: Ying, Purple, Kervin, Jason, Vincent, and Kevin.

Whispering Night’s Meme

If one day, you have to choose between your love and your friends, who would you choose?
-I guess, friends and boyfriend are both equally important to me. My boyfriend is suppose to be understanding, but the same goes to friends. If, I MUST choose, I will choose my boyfriend. To my friends: I’m sure you can understand my feelings, if you expect my boyfriend to be understanding.

If one day, you have to choose between your wife/husband and your parents, who would you choose?
-My husband. If I’m married, it means I have to side with my spouse and always be there for him. It doesn’t mean I’m not loyal to my parents when I choose husband over parents. 

If one day, you have to choose between your future/career and your boyfriend/girlfriend, which do you choose?
-Future. I’m not going to eat grass in future.

I’m tagging: Ying, Kevin, Vincent, Jason, Rich Valla, Gracie

*miserable*

*hachuuu~!*

*sob*

Introducing y0ouu the Doll Violette

I’m bored. Reformat da pc again. Means, no more games. No musics, no videos, no games…NO PHOTOSHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Youtube is deleting anime, too.
*sob*

Luckily there’s this doll maker for me. Yes, it’s very noob, and I feel noob to play with it.

Dinner time. KFC for dinner today. Cheers.

…Whispering Night…